Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
