I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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