I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think my fart just growled at me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
