My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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