I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
