i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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