At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
