i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
