the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
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i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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