question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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