you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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