Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
