There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need water and some morals
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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