I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
