The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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