morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
