Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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