I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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