I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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