I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
