My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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