well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
