Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
