ya dads aren't the best wingmen
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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