Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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