He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
