Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
