Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
