You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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