Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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