I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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