I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
