My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
