Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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