Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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