"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
