Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
