i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
