some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
