It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
