Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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