I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
