I just cut my nipple shaving
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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