There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
