I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm at about main and main street
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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