It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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