dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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