I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
