he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
