just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
