This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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