am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
