I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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