Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
