We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility