i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.