if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible