Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.