Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.