I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way