i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.