Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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