I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So. Much. Porn.
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