We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
