And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
