i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
