The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
