There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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