Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
