the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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