my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
