no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
