guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
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I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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