You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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