How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
