I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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