8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I want a musical about memes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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